Depression

So I have had depression for many years but not a lot of people know that I have it so in this post I will tell you what I think about depression

Depression is when everything feels too hard. When you feel so low that things you previously enjoyed no longer hold that same joy. You wonder how you ever enjoyed anything at all. You wonder what other people have that you can’t get a hold of. You find it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. You drag yourself through each day. You find it difficult to go to bed at night. The low is so low that it seems to take over, overwhelming you in a way that you could not have imagined beforehand.The effort to do the small things is huge. The pressure to do anything is even bigger. People always say you should talk to someone, tell someone, but how do you put words on something so hard to even understand yourself? How do you explain to someone that you want to live your life but also you don’t know how you can? How do you explain that this no longer feels like a choice, that it controls you not the other way around?

Depression is initially a reaction. A reaction to a life that you never imagined would be yours. A reaction to stress and a seeming inability to change your situation. It is an in-acceptance of how things are or were. It is lack of self-care and a giving too much of yourself to others. It is a deep anger at an injustice or unfairness in life. It is a lack of energy to take any more of what life has for you. It is a deep sadness and regret. It is all of this and much more. We are not always aware of why it happens because of how slowly and quietly it sneaks up on us. I’m not scared to tell people that I have depression but I’m worried that some people will see me differently but I’m prepared for everything. And if you do want someone to talk to or have some comment then just reach out to me 🙂

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